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"Listen" (DW 8.04)

I was so scared during this episode, I cannot express how grateful I am that I did NOT actually have to add some fictional under-the-bed-being to the list of Whoniverse things I’m actually somewhat afraid of. Lil sis is sleeping with me anyway, because I don’t think she quite grasps what happened. That’s alright. My reaction to the phrase “He’ll never make Time Lord” was literally, “—wait, what? What. WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!” —-> so that was a cool moment. Clara x Danny is totally okay by me. Fear is a superpower! And to close, I would like to state, once again, that TWELVE. IS. SO. FANTASTIC. I love him so much. He is my favorite thing about all of television right now. We need to keep him, preferably…forever. Yeah, forever sounds about right. I hope Mr. Capaldi’s in this for the long haul ^-^

I took the little sister out for a “mall date” last night, and it was…the best medicine for my spirit. We shared a meal from the Chinese place in the food court, got mini-Blizzards at DQ, got ideas for our Christmas shopping for the family, bought the first Lego Harry Potter game to play together…and she even ventured into Hot Topic with me, where she fell in love with a Dalek dress! She almost cried when she saw they didn’t have it in kid sizes, but - lo and behold! - the smallest adult one fit her! It made my heart smile to see her twirling and admiring herself in the mirror. I try so hard to teach her to love herself and never be ashamed of what she likes…and I think it’s paying off :)

Today has been so frustrating. Work just reminded me of how I’m not going to make any friends there, and then I came home and got to talk to my best friend for a few hours, but that just made me homesick for him… and I wish so desperately that our lives had turned out to where we could at least be within driving distance of each other… and now just being around my mom sucks all the happiness out of the room. Like, I get that today was a hard day on your nerves, and the Steelers are losing, and that’s like a perfect storm for you, but…for fuck’s sake. I just need…I dunno what I need. I need someone to ease this aching loneliness, to remind me that there are other people in this world who feel big things and long for better things and see the world as more than an endless procession of petty grievances. I need lots of things. I need sleep. Sleep is good. Good night, Tumblr.

I hate this day. Every year, I hate it. Not necessarily because of the memories (I was only eleven when it happened and it didn’t sink in at all at the time), or from any fear of anniversary attacks (though I suppose that’s within the realm of possibility), but just because the whole face of the American public seems to change. There are all these anniversary specials on, and people watch them almost religiously, absorbed in the death and destruction and loss over and over and over again. My mom takes the day off from work because her nerves get so bad, and she just sits at home watching those specials, making herself more and more nervous/upset until midnight passes and she magically feels a little bit safer again.

I understand the need to honor the loss of life. I understand our burning need to work through what happened. But I don’t understand how, if this event was so profound and paradigm-altering, people can live every other day of their lives as if it never happened and then BAM! Once every year it’s the single most important event in American history and we have this sacred duty to maintain our remembrance or something. I dunno. Maybe I’m outta line. It just seems somewhat disingenuous, as if people are indulging their lust for pure spectacle rather than doing anything of meaning. And I know this isn’t true of everyone. Plenty of people’s perspectives were irrevocably altered on that day. Lives were lost. Lives were changed. I just wish I could believe that all of our 9/11-mania was grounded in an actual sacred remembrance of those things, and that the people who preach about it once every year would actually carry that remembrance with them (even just a little) on more than just this one day.

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